Paco the Donkey

We were talking about a local player today at my weekly poker lunch strategy meeting. To protect the guilty, we'll just call this player "Paco."

There's no nice way to say this, so I will just blurt it out: Paco is the type of player feared by many a poker player. Paco is a donkey.

Paco likes to raise with any two. Paco chases to the river with bottom pair. Paco likes to stay in the pot with gut-shots and backdoors and two-outers. Paco is unpredictable. Paco hates to fold. Paco loves the raise. Paco gets cards at the wrong time and the wrong place, and still he often wins. You can be a very good poker player, but if you don't know how to counter the tactics of Paco, he will own you at the table. Well, maybe not always own you, but he certain will frustrate you. You will learn to swear and curse and mutter under your breath when you play with Paco. Paco is the devil.

Playing against donkeys like Paco is tough for good players. Why? Because your skill at the table no longer gives you an advantage. Poker is all about out-thinking and out-playing your opponent. A player like Paco isn't sophisticated enough to understand the complexities of the game, and, frankly, is too dumb to to understand when he's behind and should fold his hand. He's unbluff-able. He's playing his own two cards and, maybe, on a good day, the board. But he's definitely not playing you, your hand, your range, the other players, or the situation. He's in his own world, oblivious to you, causing mayhem and frustration at every turn.

So, how so you counter a Paco at the table? Dunno, exactly, but here are some thoughts that came to mind on my walk back from lunch:

1. Make sure you have a hand before getting involved with a Paco. He's not going anywhere, so you better have something in your hand before playing back at him.

2. Don’t get all of your chips in the middle unless you are sure you have a very strong hand. Paco is chasing all kinds of crap, and you may be giving him the wrong odds to call, but he's gonna call, or worse, raise. You better like your hand well enough to go to show-down.

3. Don’t try to make moves on Paco. Bad players will not understand what you are doing (or implying that you're doing) and they will probably call when it’s obvious they should fold. You cannot bluff a bad player. You cannot bluff a Paco.

4. Be patient. Once you have identified a Paco at your table, you don’t necessarily have to make it your mission to knock him out. If you can make money off of him, great. If not, so be it. He's nothing more than a sand trap on the course.

5. Get up and find another table. When all else fails, go somewhere else and let another sap take your seat. Paco won't notice.

All-in for now...
-Bug